Shhh...it's a secret...

It's my special day!

Thanks to all who called and gave cards and just were really really awesome on my birthday! Love ya! I just got done having dinner with the fam a little while ago and my mom went to the casino now and my dad is working...I'll write a blog talking about my experiences last night and ones that I most likely will have tomorrow but right now I can't concentrate on telling those stories...most of you already know that my grandpa has cancer and he's had it for over a year when he wasn't even suppose to make it 10 months...he's been doing really good for the most part except the last time he had chemo he had an allergic reaction and he hasn't had it since...well that was about three weeks ago...so things are slowly looking down...and I guess I should expect that but the hardest part is seeing your grandma cry...I've never seen her cry before...she's gone through some of the hardest things I've seen a person go through and not even flinch...well tonight during supper she asked my grandpa what was wrong and he said nothing...but you could tell he wasn't feeling good...so she asked a couple more times...finally my dad was like "just leave him alone"...she held her napkin to her face and got up and started doing dishes...nobody even noticed she was crying...they just went about talking...she's about to lose the only man she has ever loved and has been with for over fifty years....I can't imagine anything harder....and yet her crying doesn't even put a dimple in anyone else's life...so I got up and gave her a hug and a kiss...she was fine then....but once my dad and mom left she came into the living room crying and used the phone to call my uncle who lives just around the corner and is a paramedic...he came over and then left...now they are in bed...things aren't right...I know that if he dies its ok cause he is in a lot of pain...I just don't want her to lose him...because I don't think there will be a way to console her after that...well this is long and most of you may not care...but thats ok...afterall this is my journal :)

posted by *Carrie* @ 8:55 PM