Shhh...it's a secret...

Read with caution...

Ok...so it's 1:30 am and I'm going to use this time that I have up all alone to put it all out here...if you don't want my brutal honesty and my questioning then do not read on...So I wake up Thursday morning to have my mom tell me that there was an accident and two 18 year old boys were killed...that my dad had found them and came home and called the police to report it...my dad had returned white as a ghost to have stumbled upon this....he had been coming home from work in Watersmeet when he noticed a red taillight...he said you wouldn't have seen it unless you had been looking...it appeared to him to be a black pick up truck...so he pulled over got out and went to the car to find Thomas dead and Brian barely breathing...there was a basketball three feet away from the trunk there were lettermans in the car and they had been wearing Milltowner shirts....A dying school becomes a dying town....So he then left the site to go call for help...my mom heard my dad downstairs on the phone saying that he had come across an accident and one was dead and the other breathing still...I however heard nothing...I've never slept so hard before in my life I think...I thank god for that...My dad then left the house went down to the town hall got the O2 from the ambulance and went back to the scene of the accident....he went to the car and upon arriving found that he had forgot his flashlight because he was so disrupted by what he had seen....he went back to get his flash light and saw the cops coming down the street so he flags them down...the ambulance arrives and thats where my dad stops...He couldn't even go in the ambulance with them...so the following day my mom and dad and I were at home talking about it because I think my dad really needs to talk about it...and my mom said they must have fallen asleep, but my dad thinks they were trying to jump the highway...a lot of people don't know what that is...it's a small town macho guy thing where when approaching an intersection the driver turns off the lights and floors it to get through the crossing...My dad thinks it was too late by the time they turned the lights back on...the needle on the speedometer was stuck at 110...So the families have been dealing with so much that there's no way anything you could say would help...I can't imagine ever being in that situation...So Friday night I went up to the vigil by the accident there are candles burning and pictures and it's wonderfully nice....but I dry heaved and felt nauseau sweep over me...I couldn't even look at the pictures...Leonard and I just cried and then some retarded kid decides he's going to play this voicemail recording of Brian's voice and Thomas laughing in the background so everyone can hear...everyone flipped out...standing at a vigil and listening to their voices! Are fucking kidding me?!?! So I went last night to Lori's wedding and it was nice...a little getaway from all the sadness if only for a short time...and afterwords I met Ang at the bar and had a guy come ask me "Shouldn't you be mourning with your town?" Apparently there is no break from it...people everywhere appear to be assanign...I should've hit him or asked him if he wanted to accompany me tonight and tomorrow and the following day for three day funeral and wake services! Will I mourn enough then? I hope I never see or hear of anyone drinking and driving....I hope I never see someone young die...I hope this world will turn into a soap opera and we'll find out that the two guys were only stranded on a deserted island and are back...we know that won't happen...we know that there is only one place that I will see them again...Heaven...I don't ever want to lose touch with friends...I don't ever want to see someone leave....I don't want this to ever happen to anyone ever again...is that possible? I'm sure it isn't...will it only be a matter of time before people pick up a drink and then drive...I'm sure....will I possibly be one of those people...god I hope not...So all you can do is pray....pray that they are in heaven...pray that this won't happen to someone you know....pray it won't happen to you...but it could and none of us should forget that...My dad said tonight to Thomas's dad at the funeral...he didn't mean it mean but he said "Everyone is here because their so thankful that it wasn't their own" It's true...It sounds terrible but don't you think there was a huge sense of relief when his son wasn't in there? When his daughter who drives the same car only silver wasn't in there? I can only anticipate the hurt and pain and how my dad will shut down in the following days...I've never had a great relationship with him before...but I'm here...If only I could tell him that...

posted by *Carrie* @ 2:37 AM